Valentines hearts are everywhere, yet love is understood very differently throughout our culture. It’s not even just the fact that love is used as a verb, a noun AND an adjective. People understand love differently when it’s given. Whatever relationship you want to nurture, these five ideas could help.
Relationship Counsellor Gary Chapman identified five love languages that people express love with:
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
Depending upon your experience of receiving love you will have certain behaviours that you understand to be loving.
So let’s say for example you communicate primarily with gifts and acts of service but your partner is physical and quality time. Problems are likely to start to appear as soon as you have pressures on the relationship. You buy them flowers and presents and you do the cleaning and cooking for them. You do all this but they don’t seem to care. They complain that you don’t spend enough time together and your physical relationship isn’t what it used to be. To avoid feeling defensive a useful tool is to understand that they are asking for love in the way that they understand. You can buy all the gifts you want, but to them, that’s not love.
Learning to love in different languages can feel awkward at first, maybe giving lots of praise feels unnatural, but practice makes perfect, and the more you do it the more natural it will become. We’ve all come from different places and experienced love differently, but surely learning new ways to love and improving our relationships is one of the most beautiful things we can learn in life.
2 thoughts on “Five languages of love”
Thank you. This is a great Valentine’s day gift, open for everyone.
It is wonderful to learn to love in all these ways.
I note the use of the word ‘affirmation’. I take it to mean showing love by encouragement / enablement, as a parent will foster growth and learning in a child. Goes both ways, of course!
I’m so pleased 🙂 Glad it’s helpful!